Sunday, March 26, 2006

FSM's I'd Rather You Didn'ts"

Cathleen Falsani of the Chicago Sun-Times discovers Pastafarianism:

The "Big Bang" was actually the Spaghetti Monster falling out of bed on the fifth day of creation after he'd spent too much time with the beer volcano. That was the day he created the midget, apparently, and so he decided to declare every Friday from then on as a holiday.

Which is why Friday is the Pastafarian sabbath, when the faithful are encouraged to take it easy and, if possible, get some sun.

Pastafarians also celebrate Pastover, Ramendan, (it's a carbohydrate-based religion, after all) Halloween (because it marks a time when pirates roamed free), and International Talk Like a Pirate Day every Sept. 19 (it's roughly their equivalent of Easter and the day they win the most converts because of all the grog, Henderson says in his gospel.)

There's no dogma to speak of in FSMism, but the Spaghedeity did give his early followers the Eight "I'd Rather You Didnt's," chief among them being:

"I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like A Sanctimonious, Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe in Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject."

And Noodly Goodness may not be used as a weapon.

It's really hard to push anybody around with a wet noodle.