Hard on Sex, Soft on Coal

Coal companies pay the smallest fines of any industry for federal rules violations. The government levied a larger fine for a brief glimpse of Janet Jackson's nipple during the Super Bowl in 2004 ($550,000) than it did in 2001 when 13 Alabama miners were killed in an explosion.

But just when you thought religious nuts had no sense of humor, you find out that Catholic Bishops in New Zealand called for a boycott of a TV station because it aired the "Bloody Mary" episode of South Park in which a menstruating statue of the Virgin Mary was depicted.

If priests weren't so busy buggering little boys, they might realize that like shit, menstruation happens. It's a female thing, like breasts.

And speaking of the abuse of children, at least half a million children were neglected and abused in church-run homes after World War II (Peter Wensierski's book Beaten in God's Name).

In one example, a teenager in a home run by the ironically named Catholic Sisters of Mercy, was forced to work silently in the laundry room for 10 hours a day. The nuns would beat her with broomsticks if she spoke.

And so when I heard that Hugo Chavez is expelling the missionaries from Venezuela, I applauded. Based in Florida, the evangelical group has been working there for 60 years to convert indigenous people to Xtianity. Probably teaching them how to beat their kids.

FSM's I'd Rather You Didn'ts"

Cathleen Falsani of the Chicago Sun-Times discovers Pastafarianism:

The "Big Bang" was actually the Spaghetti Monster falling out of bed on the fifth day of creation after he'd spent too much time with the beer volcano. That was the day he created the midget, apparently, and so he decided to declare every Friday from then on as a holiday.

Which is why Friday is the Pastafarian sabbath, when the faithful are encouraged to take it easy and, if possible, get some sun.

Pastafarians also celebrate Pastover, Ramendan, (it's a carbohydrate-based religion, after all) Halloween (because it marks a time when pirates roamed free), and International Talk Like a Pirate Day every Sept. 19 (it's roughly their equivalent of Easter and the day they win the most converts because of all the grog, Henderson says in his gospel.)

There's no dogma to speak of in FSMism, but the Spaghedeity did give his early followers the Eight "I'd Rather You Didnt's," chief among them being:

"I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like A Sanctimonious, Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe in Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject."

And Noodly Goodness may not be used as a weapon.

It's really hard to push anybody around with a wet noodle.

Evolution News: Possible Missing Link Found

From the Los Angeles Times:

"Scientists in northeastern Ethiopia said they have discovered the skull of a small human ancestor that could be a missing link between the extinct Homo erectus and modern humans."

The cranium dates to a time about which little is known - the transition from African Homo erectus to modern humans. The fossil record from Africa for this period is sparse and most of the specimens poorly dated, project archaeologists said.

Swearing Match: Bible or Constitution?

On Wednesday, March 1, 2006, at a hearing on the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit gay marriage, Jamie Raskin, professor of law at AU, was requested to testify.

At the end of his testimony, Republican Senator Nancy Jacobs said: "Mr. Raskin, my Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman. What do you have to say about that?"

Raskin replied: "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible."

The room erupted into applause. --Baltimore Sun

(Thanks to Zoe.)

Aljazeera.Net - A blessing for evolution

Aljazeera reports on the one true religion of the world!

Aljazeera.Net - A blessing for evolution:

"Apparently, the world may have been called into being by the Flying Spaghetti Monster - whose devotees would also like their beliefs taught as scientific theory in American schools."

There's something about the Dutch...

As a resident of one of the most conservative, puritanical and straight-laced countries in the world, I admire other more progressive countries like Chile, for example. They, among many other democratic countries, have elected female leaders while in the U.S. we're still running polls to find out if people will vote for a woman for president and we have knuckle-dragging throw-backs like Tony Blankly who aren't even ashamed to parrot the old canard that women are too emotional to be president. (Translation: women might actually consider the consequences before taking us into unnecessary wars.)

Tony Blankly actually said this on The McLaughlin Report (the transcript hasn't been posted yet, but I heard it with my own ears).

Even though quite a lot of democracies are or have elected women to their highest offices, no one can beat the Dutch when it comes to leading the way with progressive ideas. They've decriminalized marijuana and prostitution and now they've adopted a novel method for screening would-be immigrants.

If you want to become a Dutch citizen, you must pass a rather stringent test. They will require that you watch footage of a topless woman bathing and two men kissing. If you can't handle it, you aren't socially tolerant enough to live in The Netherlands.

The New Progressive Face of Latin America

The more I hear about Hugo Chavez, president of Venezuela, the more I like:

When Bush and Condi-Lies threaten him, he doesn't knuckle under, he talks back. (Note to Democrats, you could learn by his example.)

When big oil companies were recording record profits due to the disaster in New Orleans, Chavez offered cheap oil to poor Americans, bypassing Bush and dealing with state governors.

With Venezuela's oil money, he bought Argentina's government bonds, freeing that country from the hegemony of the International Monetary Fund. (If you don't understand the significance of that, you should read Confessions of an Economic Hit Man by John Perkins who explains how he, and others like him, helped U.S. intelligence agencies and multinationals cajole and blackmail foreign leaders into serving U.S. foreign policy and awarding lucrative contracts to American business.)

For Ecuador Hugo Chavez bought up $25 million in defaulted government bonds (saving them from IMF economic hit men).

Chavez is supporting the creation of a "Bank of the South" which would grant loans without the conditions imposed by Washington for IMF loans.

Condi "Full of Lies" Rice and George W. Bush are unable to intimidate Hugo Chavez, hero of Latin America, and now Bolivia has Evo Morales and Chile elected a socialist who is an AGNOSTIC! That would never happen here where presidential candidates pander to religious wingnuts.

Bill Maher's Message to George W. Bush

Bill Maher's closing bit the other night:

"Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the Army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards' maxed out. No one's speaking to you: Mission accomplished.

"Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walkaway. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man?

"Now I know what you're saying. There're so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.

"But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes.

"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.

"So, yes, God does speak to you. What He is saying is, 'Take a hint.' "

Support for Feingold's Censure of Bush

Ladies and Gentleman, Pastafarians and others, I have decided that the only presidential candidate who has earned my vote is Senator Russ Feingold.

How has he earned my vote, you might wonder? Let me count the ways:

He voted against the resolution that allowed Bush to invade Iraq.

He voted against the Orwellian-speak bill called the "Patriot Act"

He introduced a measure to censure Bush for illegal domestic spying.

Here's an American Research Group poll sounding out support for Feingold's censure resolution. The results among Democrats aren't too surprising, but the 29% support among Republicans is higher than expected.

Firedoglake has a chart showing which Democrat senators are supporting Feingold and which are opposed (abject cowards or snivelling cronies like Leiberman).

It amazes me that most Democrats are either sell-outs or spineless cowards, who won't defend our civil liberties and who won't behave like an opposition party.

Win a Flying Spaghetti Monster Emblem

You can win a Flying Spgahetti Monster emblem for your car by entering this contest at the Washington Post.com It's the Eponymy, Stupid.

A recent winner wrote this:

"Whittingtune, n., v.: A victim's apology for being the source of distress to the victimizer. 'My family and I are deeply sorry for all that Vice President Cheney and his family have had to go through this past week,' he Whittingtuned upon leaving the hospital.

To enter the contest:

Coin a word or expression based on the name of a well-known person, define it, and perhaps use it in a sentence.

One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail tolosers@washpost.comor by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 20. Include "Week 653" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published April 9. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.

Recent contest winners penned the lyrics to the song Shenandoah, the state song of Virginia. One winner wrote:

O Shenandoah, I found religion
In the land of Pat and Jerry.
No hurricanes will thunder near me.
I pray. They blow away
And head toward Venezuela.
(Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

There's more...

God: I've lost faith in Blair

Terry Jones has a piece in The Guardian about how God feels about George Peewee Bush, Tony Blair and the invasion of Iraq.

A high-level leak has revealed that God is 'furious' at Tony Blair's attempts to implicate him in the bombing of Iraq. Sources close to the archangel Gabriel report him as describing the Almighty as 'hopping mad ... with sanctimonious yet unscrupulous politicians claiming He would condone their bestial activities when He has no way of going public Himself, owing to the MMW agreement' (a reference to the long-established Moving in Mysterious Ways concordat).

....

"If Tony Blair thinks his friendship with George W Bush is worth rubbing out a couple of hundred thousand Iraqi men, women and children, then that's something he can talk over with me later," said God. "But when he starts publicly claiming that's the way I do the arithmetic too, it's time I put my foot down!" It is well known that God has a very big foot.

....

The archangel reported that the Almighty has become increasingly irritated with the vogue for politicians to claim that He is behind their policies - especially if these involve killing large numbers of humans. According to Gabriel, God spake these words: "That George W Bush once had the nerve to say: 'God told me to go end the tyranny in Iraq, and I did.' Well, let me tell you I did no such thing! If I'd wanted to get rid of Saddam Hussein, I could have given him pneumonia. I didn't need the president of the United States to send in hundreds of heavy bombers and thousands of missiles to destroy Iraq - even though I appreciate that Halliburton needed to fill its order books."

How do Bush and Blair think it makes me look to all those parents who have lost sons and daughters in this grubby business? Don't they know that the Muslims they're taking out worship the same Me that they do? It's a public relations disaster that ought to set Christianity back hundreds of years. Though knowing the fundamentalists, it'll probably have the reverse effect."

Go read the rest of the article. You'll be glad you did.

This is the Terry Jones from Monty Python, right?



Thanks to Lee in the U.K.

Another Wife Swap to Watch

My daughter, Dawn, will be on tonight's episode of Wife Swap:

"Thompson/Askam"
A Wiccan High Priestess whose husband worships the mystical ground she walks on swaps places with a traditional, stay-at-home wife and mother of two whose husband expects his wife to do everything for him.

Dawn teaches classes in yoga and wicca in Cedar Rapids, and was a participant in a Wicca class in tonight's show (she's unmarried and isn't part of the swap).

Update: Apparently Dawn's scenes ended up on the cutting room floor. We were disappointed.

The Christian Taliban in Missouri

I found this link on Huffington Post:

KMOV.com St. Louis, MO Top Stories:

Missouri legislators in Jefferson City considered a bill that would name Christianity the state's official "majority" religion.

House Concurrent Resolution 13 has is pending in the state legislature.

Many Missouri residents had not heard about the bill until Thursday.

Karen Aroesty of the Anti-defamation league, along with other watch-groups, began a letter writing and email campaign to stop the resolution.

The resolution would recognize "a Christian god," and it would not protect minority religions, but "protect the majority's right to express their religious beliefs.

The resolution also recognizes that, "a greater power exists," and only Christianity receives what the resolution calls, "justified recognition."

Is this still the United States of America or am I having an extended nightmare?

In a related story The Independent Reports:

Tony Blair has proclaimed that God will judge whether he was right to send British troops to Iraq, echoing statements from his ally George Bush.

If George Bully Bush and his sidekick, Tony Blair, really believe that - they should expect a tortured afterlife.

Utah Mormans Reject Anti-Darwin Bill

New West Network Growth & Public Policy Buttars Gets Owned:

"This week, Rep. Chris Buttars (R-West Jordan) "origins of life bill" which would have forced teachers to read an anti-evolution statement before teaching evolution got owned. It was his Plan B after failing in his fight to teach intelligent design in our public schools. And enough of his fellow Mormon Republicans objected to the bill that it was soundly defeated in the House by a score of 46-28"